Monday, July 15

Fireball Whiskey Covers Arkansas Highway After Truck Crash

Imagine the messiest party cleanup possible, then multiply it several times. Cans, bottles, perhaps a rogue shoe, party aftermath isn’t thought about until it stares you in the face the next day. Unfortunately, bigger messes similar in nature have to be cleaned up as soon as possible. Especially when the mess is clogging a state highway.

Around 10:45 AM this past Thursday, two 18-wheeler trucks tangled on Arkansas Interstate 40-West. Fortunately, no one was hurt beyond some minor injuries. The contents of one of the trucks, on the other hand, were strewn about a stretch of highway that would hold traffic up in both directions until the afternoon.

Reports don’t say whether the highway smelled like college nights and regrettable choices, but the road was littered with a massive amount of mini bottles of Fireball cinnamon whiskey. You know the stuff. The burning cinnamon whiskey responsible for fueling many nights of debaucherous tomfoolery in college. Now imagine a 50-foot trailer full of it spilling everywhere. Heavy forklifts can move upwards of 50 tons of the stuff, though an 18-wheeler can carry a lot more than that. An undisclosed, yet substantial, amount peppered marinaded the highway Thursday morning.

Rather than a group of hungover fraternity brothers or pledges addressing a post-party clean-up, the Arkansas Department of Transportation brought in a giant mechanized broom vehicle to manage the mess. Regardless, the debacle was responsible for significant delays, “Looks like we’ll be working this for a while. Updates as they are available,” the DOT tweeted along with a picture of the mayhem. They later reported that traffic began to start moving again around 1:30 PM.

They’re not sure how the collision was caused, though it resulted in one of the tractor trailers catching on fire. Human error causes some 90% of workplace accidents and the Fireball spill is hardly the first of its kind. Perhaps it’s an Arkansas thing. Last August alone, trucks spilled loads of bourbon, frozen pizzas, and spaghetti sauce. These accidents were results of distracted driving. More recently, we’ve seen trucks full of chicken feathers and chocolate sauce with the same fate. We’re just glad everyone is safe. Except for several thousand mini bottles of Fireball.

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